Boom Boom Benni!

Rovers destroyed the New Zealand national side at Ewood Park this weekend - handing out a 5-0 hiding to the Kiwis. New boys Benni McCarthy and Jason Roberts both bagged a brace and Steven Reid cracked in another netbuster.

If this is a marker for things to come, theciseone might have to copper up for a season ticket - and a divorce (Her indoors is already moaning about the speed with which the new season arrives and the number of weekends 'ruined').

In the interests of stimulating a little debate, thecisone is going to try his hand at management. Sparky makes this lark look easy enough, so why can't a middle aged man in Salford with no playing or coaching experience do the same? Here's my team selection for the opener against Portsmouth.

GK Freidel - he's big and scary and good at catching. 'Nuff said.
LB McEveley - some of us still remember the night he humiliated Beckham at Old Trafford.
FB Khizanishvili - having taken the time to learn how to type his name, he plays.
FB Nelson - first name on the team sheet if he is fit. Captain.
RB Neill - if he hasn't been lured away to the bright lights of Monaco or Tottenham.
LWing Pederson - ... or Gamst or MGP or whatever he is calling himself. The Man Who Cannot Score Boring Goals.
M Savage - adds a bit of industry and niggle
M Bentley - provides the attacking instincts from midfield
RWing Reid - will end up doing time for GBH if ever one of his tackles is mis-timed or a shot veers off trajectory into a group of kids in the Darwen end who have spent the whole match running up and down because seombody's mum doled out a little too much ki-ora.
CF McCarthy - watch this goal and tell me he is not the most exciting prospect we have signed in a long time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvTSbUWLXNc
CF Roberts - already seems to have a good understanding with Benni. The new Mr Bully Boy?

Subs - Todd (on his day exceptional, but up against stiff competition), Gray (good player but a younger man needs bringing on in his position), Tugay (older than my nan, but still reads the game beautifully and provides great distribution), Douglas (will get his chance when the cards mount up for Savage), Peter (will throw on if MGP scores a tap in), Gallagher (remeber: he and Stead saved us from relegation and he is now older and wiser - play on the right wing or as a sub for Benni or Jay) and Brown (he's not Peter Enckelman).

If you don't like the squad - and this includes you Mark Hughes - let's have your aleternatives. Other than that: game on!

Craig who?

Well, Benni's here and he's in the goals. And as far as Mark Hughes is concerned, he's every bit as important a signing as Craig Bellamy was last year. Scoring one and setting up another for fellow new boy Jason Roberts, McCarthy helped Rovers to a 3-2 victory over newly promoted Bundesliga side Alemannia Aachen. Reports from Germany also describe a fizzing shot cleared off the line.

Things are starting to shape up nicely for the start of the new season (thecisone will not be mentioning the 5-0 drubbing at the hands of Olympiakos)...

With just over three weeks to go before the transfer window slams shut, Rovers are still jockeying for the signatures of a handful of exciting players, including a couple already on the books. Ryan Nelsen has been the subject of an improved £4.7million bid from Rouble-rich Portsmouth, who have also promised to double the Kiwi's wages. No official response as yet, but it would tell us a lot about the ambition at Ewood Park to hear the words "Piss off, Harry" being uttered in dulcet Welsh tones. Lucas Neill, according to cmoments ascribed to his agent, won't be signing a new deal. He may prefer to try his luck elsewhere, but Hughes isn't prepared to sell him so expect this one to be resolved in a Bosman next summer or a quick sale in January, possibly to Tottenham. And Middlesborough can't make up their mind how much they want Brett Emerton. Loyalty prevails from Sparky who is going to try to convince Emerton to stay and fight for his place on the last leg of pre-season preparations in Europe.

There is a bit of cash in the kitty for new signings, reprtedly. Robert Huth, whose £5 move to Middlesborough collapsed after a medical revealed damage to a bone in the big German's foot, is one supposed target. And there is no decision yet about the Chilean midfielder Jorge Acuna, who is still training with the side pre-season.

Somebody who won't be in the blue and white halves next year is Didier Agathe. His demands for an early decision on whether to offer him a contract prompted a polite refusal from John Williams and the Ewood Park board.

theciseone would be interested to hear from readers a prediction of where Rovers will finish next season. I will publish these on this site so we can see how good your punditry skills are. Florida Rover and Cameron - this means you!