Boom Boom Benni!

Rovers destroyed the New Zealand national side at Ewood Park this weekend - handing out a 5-0 hiding to the Kiwis. New boys Benni McCarthy and Jason Roberts both bagged a brace and Steven Reid cracked in another netbuster.

If this is a marker for things to come, theciseone might have to copper up for a season ticket - and a divorce (Her indoors is already moaning about the speed with which the new season arrives and the number of weekends 'ruined').

In the interests of stimulating a little debate, thecisone is going to try his hand at management. Sparky makes this lark look easy enough, so why can't a middle aged man in Salford with no playing or coaching experience do the same? Here's my team selection for the opener against Portsmouth.

GK Freidel - he's big and scary and good at catching. 'Nuff said.
LB McEveley - some of us still remember the night he humiliated Beckham at Old Trafford.
FB Khizanishvili - having taken the time to learn how to type his name, he plays.
FB Nelson - first name on the team sheet if he is fit. Captain.
RB Neill - if he hasn't been lured away to the bright lights of Monaco or Tottenham.
LWing Pederson - ... or Gamst or MGP or whatever he is calling himself. The Man Who Cannot Score Boring Goals.
M Savage - adds a bit of industry and niggle
M Bentley - provides the attacking instincts from midfield
RWing Reid - will end up doing time for GBH if ever one of his tackles is mis-timed or a shot veers off trajectory into a group of kids in the Darwen end who have spent the whole match running up and down because seombody's mum doled out a little too much ki-ora.
CF McCarthy - watch this goal and tell me he is not the most exciting prospect we have signed in a long time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvTSbUWLXNc
CF Roberts - already seems to have a good understanding with Benni. The new Mr Bully Boy?

Subs - Todd (on his day exceptional, but up against stiff competition), Gray (good player but a younger man needs bringing on in his position), Tugay (older than my nan, but still reads the game beautifully and provides great distribution), Douglas (will get his chance when the cards mount up for Savage), Peter (will throw on if MGP scores a tap in), Gallagher (remeber: he and Stead saved us from relegation and he is now older and wiser - play on the right wing or as a sub for Benni or Jay) and Brown (he's not Peter Enckelman).

If you don't like the squad - and this includes you Mark Hughes - let's have your aleternatives. Other than that: game on!

Craig who?

Well, Benni's here and he's in the goals. And as far as Mark Hughes is concerned, he's every bit as important a signing as Craig Bellamy was last year. Scoring one and setting up another for fellow new boy Jason Roberts, McCarthy helped Rovers to a 3-2 victory over newly promoted Bundesliga side Alemannia Aachen. Reports from Germany also describe a fizzing shot cleared off the line.

Things are starting to shape up nicely for the start of the new season (thecisone will not be mentioning the 5-0 drubbing at the hands of Olympiakos)...

With just over three weeks to go before the transfer window slams shut, Rovers are still jockeying for the signatures of a handful of exciting players, including a couple already on the books. Ryan Nelsen has been the subject of an improved £4.7million bid from Rouble-rich Portsmouth, who have also promised to double the Kiwi's wages. No official response as yet, but it would tell us a lot about the ambition at Ewood Park to hear the words "Piss off, Harry" being uttered in dulcet Welsh tones. Lucas Neill, according to cmoments ascribed to his agent, won't be signing a new deal. He may prefer to try his luck elsewhere, but Hughes isn't prepared to sell him so expect this one to be resolved in a Bosman next summer or a quick sale in January, possibly to Tottenham. And Middlesborough can't make up their mind how much they want Brett Emerton. Loyalty prevails from Sparky who is going to try to convince Emerton to stay and fight for his place on the last leg of pre-season preparations in Europe.

There is a bit of cash in the kitty for new signings, reprtedly. Robert Huth, whose £5 move to Middlesborough collapsed after a medical revealed damage to a bone in the big German's foot, is one supposed target. And there is no decision yet about the Chilean midfielder Jorge Acuna, who is still training with the side pre-season.

Somebody who won't be in the blue and white halves next year is Didier Agathe. His demands for an early decision on whether to offer him a contract prompted a polite refusal from John Williams and the Ewood Park board.

theciseone would be interested to hear from readers a prediction of where Rovers will finish next season. I will publish these on this site so we can see how good your punditry skills are. Florida Rover and Cameron - this means you!

Crossroads for Benni deal

thecisone wonders whether any readers are old enough to get the pun in the headline. Not that it's very funny, but still...

After more than a year of chasing it seems that Rovers have finally stitched together a deal for Porto striker Benni McCarthy. The champions league winner is reported to have shaken hands on a deal to bring him to Ewood Park after Rovers agreed a £2.5million fee with Porto. There's a few issues unresolved as yet - including a work permit, which isn't likely to be a problem given his track record as an international professional - but word is that the move will be registered with the FA and Premier League on Friday.

While this is undoubtedly good news, thecisone cannot help but still feel that despite the quality of the replacements there is still a small, Welsh, Bellamy-sized hole in the forward line. Let's hope the new boys prove otherwise. Maybe now we can stop collecting strikers - six seems like enough of anything and we shouldn't forget the homegrown talents of the excellent Paul Gallagher and promising Matt Derbyshire.

What else do we need before we start the European campaign? Replacements for the departing Neill and Emerton. Sparky will sit both players down next week to see whether they want to sign new lucrative deals or ply their trade elsewhere. Neill would be a particular loss but given his performance at the World Cup you hope he would command a handsome transfer fee. combined with cash for Emerton there could be enough in the kitty to finance a move for a young creative midfielder and another right back.

Would Didier Agathe be a useful addition? His performance at Stanley seemed creditable and a right-back with attacking instincts is exactly what Rovers would be losing in Neill. His failure to shine at Celtic shouldn't be overplayed. Sparky's duraglit has polished up more than one career in the last 18 months.

And, of course, we need to decide how to replace Mr Tugay Kerimoglu, who has no doubt spent the summer taking advtantage of his OAP's railcard in the Lake District. He can't go on being brilliant forever.

Memo to Mark Hughes: Even Turkish Delight will not last indefinitely. The terraces would ideally like the same player, but 10 years younger. We do concede this may be difficult unless the backroom staff have finally got to grips with cloning at Brockhall. So, please can you see what's available in the Summer sales. Best, as ever, thecisone

Who next, Ian Brady or Hitler?

Flurry of new rumours today.

Most startling is the Man City outkast Nic Anelka's claim that Sparky has been trying to lure him away from Fenerbache. He also reckons Bolton and Portsmouth are in with a shout, but with the player's own valuation at more than £8m you have got to wonder if the combustible Frenchman hasn't banged his head in training. Harry might have the cash, but I'm certain Big Sam won't be in a hurry for a turkish takeaway and why would we want to waste the whjole transfer kitty on such an unproven talent?

Imagine what Anelka would do for our reputation as bastions of fair play and clean, wholesome tackling... you might as well see if Ian Brady wants a game or Hitler.

Another bolt from the blue has been the re-emergence of the rumour that Rovers are in for Benni McCarthy from Porto with a far more sensible asking price of £3m. This story is two years old now (amazingly it's the one story not to have originated in the Old testament that has been floating around longer than the Mido 'signing'). Although, since the transfer fee is half what it was 12 months ago it which does give this rumour a bit more credibility.

thecisone has also learned that Jorge Acuna, the 27-year-old Chilean international midfielder and former Feyenoord player, is telling anyone who will listen that he is on his way to Ewood Park for a medical and expects to be in the blue and white halves within the week. Grateful for some feedback from any readers who know his background and potential.

Silly Season Hokey Cokey

The media love to refer to the summer months as the silly season - trusted sources of news bugger off on holiday and it becomes difficult to fill the pages and the airwaves. Into the gap looms a lot of news that, many would agree, isn't fit to print.

And that sums up where the Rovers rumour mill is at. Lucas Neill, Brett Emerton and Mido are engaged in a bizarre three-handed hokey-cokey where it is no longer possible to tell who is in, out, in, out or shaking it all about. At least, that's the case if you read the reports circulating on t'internet. Mido was at long last a done deal and would sign today - not happened. Neill and Emerton had both said G'bye nice contracts and... nothing official.

Even the usually informative Lancashire Evening Telegraph can't do any better than reheating a piece of gossip about Emerton pledging the next 12 months to Rovers at some meet the fans session.

Who knows what is happening?

theciseone gives up. It's too bloody hot. Roll on September and away games in the North East.

Do they not have a dictionary at the Daily Mail?

Ah, the middle classes and football.

Never really sit well together, do they? Too much analysis and not enough singing of songs about the local rivals being inbred.
Not that we see much of the chattering classes at Ewood Park - not since Graeme Le Saux left anyway.

thecisone was prompted into this reflection on class war in football by a headline in today's Daily Mail: Pardew targets Blackburn bruiser. Reidy defecting? Todd upping sticks? Kuqi moving on? No, it seems West Ham might be interested in Brett Emerton. Those nice middle class boys on the Daily Mail really want to invest in a dictionary and look up the definition of "bruiser". In no way could it be stretched to describe Emerton, who also attracts the description of "powerhouse". Silly right-wing rag. 'Foppish flair player of flickering genius' is more like it - and they generally aren't the sort of players that go down well with the Hammers fans, are they?

Fulham and Middlesborough are also reported to be monitoring developments on the contract offered to Emerton by Rovers.

We're a wee bit short of incoming rumours. The Mido deal is not dead, according to Hughes. It's certainly dragging on, though...

On other fronts: Jeffers believes his move to Rovers could lead to an England call up. And the new away kit is out soon - check out www.rovers.co.uk for a shot of Robbie Savage parading the new uniform with a less than thrilled looking Jason Roberts.

Robbie Savage, a man of integrity

A second bid to lure Robbie Savage away from Ewood Park appears to have failed. Wigan Athletic tested the player's commitment and Rovers' ambitions by tabling a second bid for the controversial Welshman with improved personal terms. But Sav says he is staying put. In his own words (via Sky Sports): "I am more than happy at Blackburn. I knew when I left Birmingham that this was the right club for me and nothing has changed. It was very flattering for me that they showed an interest but there's a Uefa Cup season ahead and I'm very much looking forward to it."

Forget what thecisone was saying yesterday about professional sportsmen and filthy lucre and raise your glass to Robbie Savage, a man of integrity.